My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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