you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
what is it with giant penises always finding me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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