I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
