i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
