Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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