Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
