I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
