I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
