Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
