What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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