please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
