we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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