I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
