i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
