he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
