Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize