I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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