Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
