how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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