I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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