were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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