We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
