I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize