I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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