just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
