okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
