turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
