marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
