she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
