Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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