And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
