i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
