I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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