Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
