wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
two words: eviction party
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
