Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
