I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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