Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
