he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
