We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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