The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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