I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
