The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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