He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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