so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
