Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
