He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
3pm strippers are depressing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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