wanna go halves on a baby?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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