During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
