I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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