PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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