i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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