Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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