my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
