guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
