Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
