hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
