Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
