The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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