I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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