i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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