After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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