I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
