I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
