she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she peed on how many people?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
