Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
