he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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