Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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