I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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